Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Always Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Okay, I can't resist ganking song titles for my posts. Please forgive me. Here I am again, sitting on the futon waiting until Brian gets done reading to go to bed. We've been married for over a year now, but I still don't like to go to bed without him. I was always the last kid to go to sleep at slumber parties, so I guess I will always somehow be stuck in this role. It is so incredible to have him home again. Most of the time I don't believe it. There's part of me that can't really settle down because something unconcious makes me think he might leave again. I know he won't, it might just take time. Matters are made more difficult by the fact that he has to study pretty much every minute he's awake, so we haven't even really gotten any time together yet. No time to process or just relax together. I guess Christmas break is only 4 months away now...

Is it weird to anyone else when everything seems to be going alright? This summer was such a dark valley in my life that I almost feel guilty for being happy now. Does anyone else experience this? I was so used to being quasi-depressed for the past 2 and a half months that it's almost like culture shock now not to feel like that. The truth is that I am incredibly happy and I don't really know what to do with myself. Give thanks to God, I guess is what I can do. It's all I have to give.

2 comments:

Carrie said...

A time to mourn, a time to laugh, etc., etc.--I'm glad to hear you're happy. :)

jenna said...

i know what you mean--i've felt that way since the wedding, especially with so much time to spned with darren this summer...even though i should've worked a little more.

i have a feeling the harder season is coming for us with this semester. i keep going over my schedule & thinking about all the schoolwork we'll have...time will be scarce. but God's grace is sufficient!