You Can't Always Get What You Want

How do I even begin to tell you about the past week of life for us?  I have to begin by being real honest and saying that for the first six weeks of Miller's life, he was quite the fusser.  Finally, we got him on Zantac over the course of a week, he began to show us a little of the laid back fella that I'm beginning to think he is.  Then.  Oh, then.  Then he got RSV.  He was diagnosed last Friday with a mild case.  The doctor sent us home with instructions to raise the head of his bed, run a humidifier, and call if he got worse.  No problem.  Until last Sunday night when he started running a pretty high fever and struggling to breathe. I have never been so terrified in my life.  It was a numbing terror, watching our precious 7-week old held down for chest x-rays and an IV insertion.  Not to mention just being in the Beaufort Memorial ER at midnight on a Sunday.  That place is crazy.

God's hand was on us every second, though, and we only spent the next 48 hours at the hospital.  We were admitted to a room and Miller had a lot of breathing treatments and fluids before finally being released on Tuesday night.  Although relieved to be home at that point, I felt like we were back at the beginning in some respects with him.  He was only between 7 and 8 weeks old and any small strides I had made with him as far as scheduling goes were tossed out the window.  And now he's on a nursing semi-strike.  I can't really talk about that yet because I have no idea where this is headed.

Through it all, I have been thinking a lot about the Pharisees in the Bible and how Jesus was not the savior they were looking for.  He was born in a barn, hung out with low-lifes, said some crazy things, and died a horrific death at 33.  They were looking for someone to overturn Rome and sit on the throne like King David did.  They wanted life restored to how they thought it should have been.  Right then.  I've been thinking about this because I keep thinking, "This is not how I wanted to be saved."  This is not how I wanted to learn God's grace and provision for me.  This is not how I wanted to learn to trust him.  Most days I feel like I am more qualified to do any other job on the planet than to parent my two precious babies.  But this is how God chose for me to be sanctified.  This is how He chose to show Himself in my life.  Sickness and tiredness and everything changing day after day after day.  All of those people who told me that it was the toughest thing they've ever done to go from one child to two were right.

But perseverance produces hope, so I need to go to bed now so I can do all of this craziness again tomorrow.  Thank goodness that His mercies are new every morning.

"You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. "  -The Rolling Stones

My Three Loves

Els FINALLY agreed to "hold" her brother tonight after almost seven weeks of trying to talk her into it.  She was way excited to give him "baby juice".

And Now

Oh the joy of being dressed up by Aunt "Dace".

The jury's still out.  Who does this cutie look like?  

Pictures of the wee ones.  Because it's been a while and they're growing like weeds.

I'm Burning

When God called Moses in Exodus 3 to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt and under the hand of Pharaoh, Moses' first question was highly understandable.  He basically asked, "Who am I, Lord?  Why me?"  I understand his thinking because I've been asking God the same question for the last five and a half weeks.  "Do you really know who I am, God?  Why did you pick me to be the mother of two children?  Don't you know I'm much more qualified for, well, anything else?"  No, God hasn't called me to lead a nation, but on days like today, I feel like that would be a much easier job description than the one I have.

As I was just in the shower (oh the sheer bliss of two simultaneously sleeping children!) God reminded me of Exodus 3, Moses' question, but more importantly, he reminded me of how he answered the shepherd-cum-leader of Israel.  He didn't pat Moses on the back and remind him of all the good things that he'd done, all of the ways God had been preparing him for this task.  No.  He simply said, "I will be with you."

That's what he's reminding me of today.  No sir, I'm not qualified for this job.  Not in the least.  But it is exactly where God wants me and he is with me every step of the way.

And I know who He is.

"Moses saw the bush in flames and heard the branches speak his name, I wonder if he felt this kind of fear..." -Nichole Nordeman