She Likes Flowers

Oh, they're so pretty!

You Can't Always Get What You Want

I realize I've been a little absent. We're currently breaking Els of the swaddle and that means a lot less sleep for us both. Also, at this particular moment in time, I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival home of my brother (21) and sister (24) from their little European jaunt (Hungary, Croatia, Prague-don't get me started about trip jealousy), while at home with Els, Grace and Micah. It's 1:16 a.m. Micah has already been up four times. Thus, I'm blogging and not sleeping. The phrase, "I'll look back on this one day and laugh," comes to mind.

In other news, we're headed back home for good this weekend. I am more than excited. We will all three be at home together for the foreseeable future. (Can I get a what-what?) B graduated from the course he's been in last Friday AT THE TOP OF HIS CLASS! And, *surprise*, he also got promoted to Captain on the same day. It was one of those days where we could see clearly that we're indeed headed in the right direction. But nothing tops the thought of us all just being at home. HOME.

"If you try sometimes, you will find, you get what you need..."

On My Mind

"O I am my Beloved’s
And my Beloved is mine!
He brings a poor vile sinner
Into His house of wine
I stand upon His merit -
I know no other stand,
Not e’en where glory dwelleth
In Emmanuel’s land."

-From, The Sands of Time are Sinking by Anne Cousin (based on Samuel Rutherford's letters)

Addendum

To add to the list of things I've learned while in Rhode Island:

• I'm apparently frightened by aircraft carriers. They are absolutely the biggest things I have ever seen. I had no idea. It's kind of like the Grand Canyon, pictures do not do aircraft carriers justice. I am astounded that these things float in water.
  
• Toddler spoons are a poor substitute for baby spoons. There's a big difference.
  
• Els is a great conversation piece. She melts the hearts of even these grumpy northerners.
  
• B is addicted to the one game on my phone. The man doesn't play any other video games. Ever. But he can barely tear himself away from Brickbreaker.

We leave in two days. But then there are only two weeks until we'll all be back in the Lowcountry together for good!

She-ras of the Faith

I've been reading A LOT lately. The list of books that I'm reading to the left is only half accurate most of the time because I forget to update it with the latest volumes I've picked up. Earlier this summer, I stumbled upon a wealth of novels by Francine Rivers in my parents' basement and have since devoured them. She is by no means a writer of fine classical literature, but the woman can "spin a yarn" for sure. The thing that I like most about her writing is not the fact that her books are page turners, it's that the stories are about great women, whether fictional or historical, of great faith. Mrs. Rivers wrote a great set of novellas on the five women mentioned in Matthew's genealogy of Jesus, Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. It's interesting to see how these women were all messed-up outsiders of sorts who did things that could have been seen as of ill repute from the outside. But from the inside, these were women of enormous faith who trusted God at His word no matter what life presented them with. And these five outsiders were counted worthy by God to be the only women that are listed in the physical genealogy of His Son.

Now I am reading Evidence Not Seen, an autobiography of Darlene Deibler Rose, who was a young missionary to Indonesia at the start of World War II. She was held as a POW for the entire span of the war by the Japanese, losing her husband and being falsely accused as a spy. What Darlene never lost was faith. Even when she was held without food or a way to go to the bathroom for four days, she never doubted or was mad with God. In fact, she clung harder to Him. Her walk with God encourages me through the pages.

By contrast, my life is much easier than all of these women, yet I think I have it hard most days. God has been so good to give me the stories of these women at this time in my life, not to make me feel bad, but to show me that He truly is the only Way and to encourage me during hard times. I want to be a woman of faith like Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, Mary, and Darlene. I want to count everything loss for the sake of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I want to walk so closely with my Father, that I recognize His rod and staff even when it's dark and trust that He indeed leads me beside still waters.

"When the saints go marching in, Oh Lord, I want to be in that number!"

Don't Stop Believin'

Five years ago today, we said, "I do." I never could have conceived on that day how much I would love B today. I love watching him learn about so many things and grow into the man that the Lord would have him to be. He knows me better than myself so I can rarely hide anything from him. (Which is a good thing.) I love watching him be Daddy. He has a way about him that can calm both Els and me down, often at the same time. And not to get all materialistic here, but *bonus* the man can pick out jewelry. Just sayin'.

I love you forever, baby.

Things I've Learned in Rhode Island

So far, I've learned:

• The New England coast is gorgeous
• Pretzels + Nutella = heavenly yumminess
• A very effective method of killing a crab is to fly it up into the air and drop it on concrete (compliments of the mammoth seagulls here)
• Communist and Democratic nations share a penchant for building uninteresting government buildings.
• Navy bases consider dropping a used anchor in the middle of the sidewalk or yard "decorating"

More to come later, I'm sure.

The Haves and Have Nots

No matter where I am, what I'm doing, or what I have, you can pretty much guess I want more. Hey, I'm human, aren't I? Ever since I can remember, I've always been a dreamer, thinking along the lines of, "When such and such happens or I get so and so, then life will really be something, then I'll have it all and have it all figured out!" But if there's anything I've learned in over 27 years of life, it's that, until Heaven, I'll never have it all, I'll never quite get "there."

I was thinking of this as I did a little boredom shopping in Newport today. Let me tell you, this place is so preppy it rivals Milledge Avenue in number of popped Polo collars, fake blondes, and Lilly Pulitzer sweaters. And places like this always make plain-ol'-me feel a bit inadequate. I always walk around thinking, "If they really knew me, then they wouldn't thumb down their noses." And I fall into the "if I had such and such, then..." line of thinking.

So, I'm trying to talk to myself today. Els and I returned to our hotel room and it was clean thanks to the nice houskeeping folks here. It's not big, but I have to think of the millions around the world who make due with a lot less than this in a permanent situation. Our little family is back together again and I must remember that that is what's important now. Who cares what Johnny and Jill "We summer in Newport and Winter in Aruba" think of me.

While here, I'm never going to be complete. No matter how many years with my wonderful husband I have or how many children the Lord blesses us with, this longing for something else, something more will always be there. Until we look into the eyes of the One Who was, and IS, and is to come.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Please pray for us! Tomorrow Els and I are flying up to Rhode Island to see the man in our life. While I am very excited about this, I'm also a little nervous about flying alone with my precious little four-month old. I suspect we'll do just fine since she doesn't have to ride in her dreaded car seat on the plane. Good Lord, we'd all be in trouble if she did!

For now, I just have to figure out how to get everything in the one bag I'm determined to check. Oh, but what a happy reunion our little family will have tomorrow at Logan Airport. It's been six weeks now and I am way overdue for seeing B's handsome face.