Blue Sky Blues

I'm not going to lie-sitting in the condo at the beach for the second afternoon in a row while the rest of my family is down enjoying the sun and the waves is not my ideal vacation.  Not that I can really complain-at least I'm here and not all by myself somewhere.  This is where the harsh truth of parenthood comes in.  Els is taking a nap and I am the only one who can feed her when she wakes up.  Add to this the fact that my husband is about 1000 miles away for the next nine weeks and you can imagine my mood this bright and sunny (perfect for the beach) day.  

I don't really have a lot to write about, so thanks for being a listening ear, world wide web friends of mine.  Today has given me a lot to think about, namely why God designed families with two parents.  Now, I know that this ideal situation is not always possible because of lots of different things, but I don't know how I could raise Els on my own.  I am sure I would have a lot less sanity than I do.  That said, I am so thankful that Els and I have a family that has invited us in with open arms and an open invitation while B is away.  

My world is just weird right now.  Not in a bad way.  Just in an inside-out kind of way, if you know what I mean.  

"Now the sky could be blue, I don't mind, without you it's a waste of time." -Coldplay

Lonely

I'm missing this man bad tonight.

Just a Little Crush

Here's a conversation that I had with my sister, who recently graduated from kindergarten.

Me: So, who's this little boy in your class that Mom keeps telling me about?

Grace: Oh, Johnny. I'm crushin' on him. [Pause.] Do you know what that means Kel?

Me: I'm not sure. Why don't you tell me.

Grace [very matter-of-factly]: It means I love him.

Swallowed in the Sea

I'm just gonna be real honest with you today-I'm not looking forward to he next ten weeks of my life. B is going to school (again!) in Rhode Island this summer, which leaves Els and me in limbo. Sure, we live here in South Carolina. We have a house and a few budding friendships, but when the day is done and there's no B coming home, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be lonely and a little frazzled.

Here's the truth about me: I hate being alone, and when I say "alone" what I really mean is "without B." Nothing means as much without him around. I have little motivation to make up the bed or clean the bathroom, grocery shopping and cooking (two of my favorite activities) are no fun to me when he's gone, and dessert, oh dessert-what's the use of dessert when all it does is remind me of he who enjoys it infinitely more than I can imagine? Okay, I'll own it-I'm a hopeless romantic. I love my husband so much more now than the day I married him, I'm not even sure I knew what love was back then.

Our other options for the summer are staying in Athens (which is quite tempting) and going to Rhode Island with B. The problems with these are the aforementioned house complete with cats and bird who cannot feed themselves, and new friendships that I would hate to see whither and die from neglect. Also, we would live in a hotel room in RI. So what are we two girls to do? A little bit of all three, I think. I want to keep our roots planted here on the isle o' ladies, but I do love me some Athens, and, above all, I'd rather live in a hotel room with B than in nicer accomodations without him.

"Nobody said it was easy; nobody told me that it would be this hard." -Coldplay (saw them in ATL this weekend and it was amazing, hence all the references)

Happiness is...

Els looking into my eyes and saying her little gurgle-words so intently that I know she means them

Hearing the garage door open...I know that B is home

Waking up to realize that Rumor is curled up against me

The smell of rain

Cooking a tried and true recipe for someone for the first time

The sweaty exhilarating exhaustion after a great workout

Hearing a song that I will love for the first time

Dancing to show tunes to make Els laugh

The first sip of coffee in the morning

Barberitos

Seeing an old friend after a long absence

Finally getting in bed at the end of the day

Mother's Day

So, I'm a day late, but in my defense, there were 9 people staying in our little house this weekend. I wanted to tell you about some things that I have been thinking about in the days surrounding this day. First, I cannot believe that it's been six years since the day that my grandfather, who we called Daddy Fred, left us for Heaven. It was an unseasonably cold and rainy mother's day that day and my siblings and I spent it alone because of his death. Looking back, I really don't remember why we didn't go down to the town where my parents were that day, but we didn't. We took ourselves to Logan's Roadhouse for lunch and I found a long hair in my chili. That was the last time I ate there.

Then there was last year. B and I were trying to get pregnant and had just moved to Virginia. I cried as I picked out cards for the various mothers in our lives, wondering if anyone would ever give me such a card. Little did we know that our precious baby girl would be on the way in less than a month.

And yesterday. We celebrated this weekend by the whole family coming to our house for the weekend. My mom's 50th birthday was last weekend, so we went to the beach and out for fresh seafood to celebrate that on Saturday and then the men cooked for us yesterday while we just hung out around the house, enjoying being together. One of my favorite things about my family is that we have fun just being together, we don't have to do anything exciting to make a day great. B and Els gave me a stargazer lily and I get to pick out furniture for our screened-in patio. I've decided on a red Lowcountry loveseat (sort of like an Adirondack chair, but made right around the corner from our house) and a picnic table. B is toying with the idea of making said table himself. We shall see.

To end, Happy belated Mother's Day to all you mothers and mothers-to-be out there. I am learning that our children are the greatest gift of all!