Sunday, April 09, 2006

So, I'm still here

This has been a very long, arduous semester with the addition of the assistantship back in December. I am only blogging now because I can either do this or write about a disease outbreak on a cruise ship, a topic that does very little to peak my interest. In fact, nothing that I am currently studying interests me very much this semester, which is why I have unabashedly immersed myslef into Lewis' Mere Christianity lately. It is fascinating. I hope to read some of the Reformers this summer, but I am always a little partial to my dear CSL. His writing is enchanting.

I have struggled a lot harder this semester also with what it looks like to be a Christian in the world in which I do my day-to-day living. I'm talking about what it looks like to really live by faith, to really live out faith. What I have come to is simply love. Love for the people around me despite everything. Their beliefs, lifestyles, attitudes, thoughts about me or Jesus do not matter as a deciding factor on whether or not to love them and pour myself into them.

The past year and a half has found me in a rather swift downward sprial into selfishness and materialism and, frankly, I'm sick of it. Other people's opinions of me will never satisfy. The best outfits and shoes will never satisfy. Being a great student will most certainly never satisfy, even for a moment. Having the most charming, handsome, amazing husband in the world will never satisfy. Christ and Christ alone is the ONLY satisfaction.

It was freeing to stop trying to build my resume. Not that I am not trying anymore. Admittedly, I want to work at everything that I do as if I am working for God alone. But I really could care less about building for myself a great big kingdom of accomplishments. And that I mean with all of my heart.

"If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You'll pull me through,
And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you.
If I sing let me sing for the joy that has borne in me these songs,
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home."
-Rich Mullins

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