Thursday, November 19, 2009

Blessings in Disguise

Last night, I asked B if he thought we should get involved in something, to which he replied, "When?" He said that he guessed I could do something during the day, but we just don't have the time at night now that Els goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. I have this need to do, do, do all the time and that is just not my life right now. So often, my self-worth has been based on the hours of a day that I could fill with activities and now my hours are filled with corralling an almost 9-month-old who is crawling and into EVERYTHING. But I still have this need to do activities and, when I'm really honest, it's not necessarily because I want to do them, it's so that people will like me.

2009 has been all about slowing down for me, and now, in November, I'm finally starting to accept that. It's not a coincidence that about half of the things I plan I have to cancel because Els is sick or just went down for a nap (finally!) or is just not feeling it on that particular day. I am learning to be still. Els won't be a baby for much longer and I am blessed to spend my days with her.

Also, as I have mentioned before, I am finally reading the Bible through this year and I don't have the time or words to expound upon how I am being blessed by this. I've been trying to post about this in more detail, but I just can't figure out how to say it just yet. Right now, I'm treasuring the things I'm learning in my heart and trusting that God will give me what to say to you about them when and if the time comes.

And the cold, hard truth is that none of the above would have happened if I had never left home. There I would not have cried the many tears of loneliness. There, I could have filled my days and hours with people and stuff and not been forced to rely on God for sufficiency and companionship. There, I would have built in babysitters and would not have had to learn the joys of doing everything with a baby in tow.

Believe me, I don't have it all figured otr, but I think I know why God took us away from our beloved home. It was so that we ca know and love each other better. But most of all, it is so that we could know Him better.

1 comment:

Ellen said...

amen. don't you love to get glimpses into His ways? we just finished studying Job in my Bible study and i have been so encouraged by the fact that God is mysterious, unfathomable, unsearchable. and yet He is gracious enough to speak into our lives sometimes to shed a little light on some of our own little mysteries...

all that to say, i am so sorry you have had a lonely and hard couple years, but SO glad that you are knowing Jesus more because of it. i wish you lived in my city:) (sorry, my emoticon use is getting out of control)