Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Why I'm Infrequent

I just got out of a good shower. Man, it feels good to be clean, especially after, and I'm gonna be real honest here, it's been a few days since the last one. I say all this because I sometimes strangely get a lot of clarity in the shower. My posts have been infrequent lately, I know. I feel like there's nothing to blog about, and when I sit down to write, I end up writing the same thing over and over again. They're all about how I'm lonely, but blessed, and homesick yet home.

I realized that I try and try to make friends, but I hate to be vulnerable, so I put up my mask with everyone, and so there hasn't been any real spark of friendship with anyone here. So, I feel alone. And I wallow. Then I write the same blog post (usually on Tuesday) and erase it.

I've decided to try to be vulnerable in hopes of making a good friend. Starting tomorrow. (No, I'm not procrastinating, I just don't call people with kids after nine because I know that we get irritated if someone randomly calls us at that time.) I decided to put this resolution in writing so that maybe I won't chicken out tomorrow.

As always, thanks for bearing with me through this. God is good through all of my struggling. I know He has a reason for this lonely period. I know he knows what it is to be lonely and that's comforting.

"Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of Heaven, Feed me til I want no more." -William Williams


heather ryan morse said...

will be praying for your resolution :) and i know that taking your mask off will be a blessing to you and to your new friends :)

Ellen said...

does your church have a ladies bible study? or maybe there is a mops group in your area? i find i am so encouraged to be real with other women in the context of studying God's word...as it becomes regularly apparent how broken we all are and how wonderful our Savior is. keep up the good work!

Kels said...

Thanks y'all. I just started going to a Bible Study at our church here and I think it's going to be really encouraging. I also got the guts up to call some people and make a few plans.

It really means a whole lot to know that you guys understand and are out there praying.