Rumor's Paradise

Rumor's paradise, his own personal Heaven on Earth. That's what our apartment currently is. Rumor is our curious-to-a-fault orange and white tabby who loves open windows and cardboard boxes. So, right now all of his dreams are coming true as every room becomes filled with boxes that he climbs in and out of, which caused several empty box avalanches yesterday. Also, we have the windows open, so when not trying to be packed alongside our drawer-trinkets, he is happily sitting in the window dreaming of eating the many leaves he sees flying by.

Meanwhile, Brian and I are not having so much fun. We've lived here for FOUR years. That's four years of stuff stuffed into drawers and back corners of closets. I did find my autographed Derek Webb, "She Must and Shall Go Free" CD cover, so it's not all bad. We decided that only CD covers that currently hold CDs or are signed don't get trashed. I guess I'll probably kick myself in twenty years when CD covers are collector's items. Oh well.

Friday is the big move day. I am going to start updating here more frequently to keep you all in the know about our nine-hour-away move and beginning life as a Marine family.

Bluetooths

People talking on bluetooths look crazy. Like they're talking to invisible people.

I'm just sayin'.

Prone to Wander

Lord I feel it! I was reminded (again) today about the amazingness of grace thanks to my friend Annie. Right now I am slowly but fiercely beginning to realize enormous amounts of fear. Next month we are moving ten hours away from my home and all of the people and places that I know. To add to that, my husband is a Marine, and so even though he was never mine to begin with, I am about to get a rude awakening to how real that is. He does not have orders or plans for deployment yet, but he imagines that it is inevitable in the future given his chosen profession. It is a noble and courageous thing to do to serve your country, but it is nerve-wracking for those at home to think about. Sometimes people say, "Well at least you knew what you were getting into when you got married." Oh no, I did not. My love signed up to be a Devil Dog about six months into our marriage, with my support, of course.

Which brings me to my fear, because life never turns out the way I plan, and I have all of these plans a'brewin' in my head. I too am asking God for big things right now and my old way of belief keeps creeping up and telling me that I have not been good enough to deserve the things I am asking for. But that is what is so amazing about grace-I have never and will never be good enough to deserve anything. Every good and perfect thing in my lift is a gift, IS grace. God's mercy is so deep that He listens to even me and so I can have hope that there is good to come. There is Christ to come and in Him is all good, all abundance. All that I don't deserve but have.

A Maddening Crowd

Heaven help us. There are about 3,000 high school students coming to my little place-of-business today. They hope to be "business leaders" in the future, but now they are hormonal almost-adults in oddly-matched suits either from their grandmother's closet, the thrift store, or the junior department at Macy's.

At least I have on a fun shirt today thanks to a rummage in my sister's closet last night.

Different Colored Doorways

Well, that was fast. No sooner than I posted about applying for the internship with IJM did I get a pre-fab rejection email. So, that one's off the list. I was sad for about two minutes before I got over it because it didn't feel like God closing a door, it felt like Him leading me down a new hallway that I had never seen before. I am in contact with another organization that does similar work and is based in Washington, DC, and will hopefully be able to volunteer with them while we live there. I really just want to get into that arena, if you will, to meet people who work on the front lines literally freeing people from modern day slavery so that I can do the same. This (and music) is what I am most passionate about. Dr. Kevin Bales, in his book Disposable People, says, "Slavery is obscene." I've never heard it put more eloquently, truthfully, or bluntly. There are mountains of problems in the world, but this one supersedes them all for me. The obscenity must end.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke

Feeding time

Do you remember when you were little and your mom took you to the park to feed the ducks? You threw the bread crumbs out and they all swiftly, almost viciously grappled to get the biggest and most pieces. Well, adult conference attendees look very similar when descending on the afternoon break tables. It's the only situation other than the day after Thanksgiving when I think that little old ladies might hurt one another for something small.

Just a thought. And because I am singing this song in my head, "Why should we be fated to do nothing but brood on food, glorious food?" (That one's for Scott.)

Before the Glory, After the Rust

"Reasons Why," the title of my blog, is so appropriate for me on so many levels. It's the title of one of my favorite songs, which is one of my favorite songs because of the words. Namely, "others have excuses, I have my 'reasons why,'" resonates with me because I have this overwhelming fear of not doing the right thing and I feel like I'm always on the offensive, justifying to myself and others why I do what I do. Does this make sense? Next month I'll turn 26, I have a master's degree, and I'm a glorified receptionist. Hence, the constant offensive justification. All through school I was an excellent student, you know, the kind that was going to really do something with themselves. I studied hard and I really cared about what I was learning. And now I'm a receptionist. And really the person I think that I have disappointed the most is myself. My friends are teachers, nurses, doctors, salespeople, planners, real estate agents, and lawyers. And I'm a receptionist.

I'm not going to offer my extensive excuse for this here, although rest assured it mostly involves fear. I'm just going to say that I'm not going to do this forever. In a little over a month we're moving to a new state and I get a new start. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do or what I want to do, but I am determined to do something I like. I have applied for an internship this summer with International Justice Mission, an organization I've mentioned a couple of times, but I haven't heard anything yet. They investigate and intervene in cases of human rights abuse all over the world. A lot of their work happens in southeast Asia with victims of sex trafficking. Pray about that for me, this is an opportunity I've wanted for a while. Also on the list is learning how to play the guitar. The only thing I've wanted to do over the whole span of my life is be a musician, and at a quarter of a century, it's high time I began to do this.

All of this is in effort to be a little more open with you, my readers and friends, so that you know where everything else I write comes from and what my experiences are colored by. I believe in a Sovereign who has put me on this path for His purposes, even though I don't understand. There is just a deep longing in me that's never been there before to do something more than work for a pay check.

The title of this post comes from a Sandra McCracken song called Eve. I think that one line explains where I live-"Before the Glory, after the rust." After the fall. I know there's glory to come, I just live in the rusted world now and it's hard. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about

Christian wins?

As Gob Bluth would say [forcefully], "Come On!" Bravo, Project Runway, could we see something new please? Because I'm pretty sure that last season the mean, goth guy who hated everyone else won too. Everyone else got in trouble all season for showing "the same thing" every week, but did we see anything from Christian all season that wasn't high-necked, ruffled, black, and completely over-the-top? Did the judges even watch Rami's collection on the runway? The man is talented and I'm pretty sure never told a model, "Be really skinny and don't eat."

If Christian is fashion, I don't want it.

Filled with joy

There were two very exciting surprises waiting for me once I left home today. One, it was snowing. This may not be exciting to some, but I live in an area that rarely [read: never] sees any snow. And granted, it was just falling, not sticking, but it was exciting all the same. There are 18 foot windows in the lobby where I work and everyone was coming out to look at the snow fall. It's one of the few things that can universally put wonder into the eyes of hardened, overworked adults and that is a beautiful thing to see.

The second thing was an email in my inbox from my friend Callie. Yes, the same friend I wrote about two weeks ago who had been in the terrible car accident. She was released from the hospital last night and is at home. She has a long road of therapy and rehabilitation ahead, but is doing so much better than anyone could have imagined two weeks ago. Please continue to join me in praying for her continued recovery.

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter,and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.' The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
-Psalm 126: 1-3

Tag, I'm It

A while back my friend tagged me in a "write random things about yourself" blog and so, as I find little else to do between entirely random phone calls and questions today, here are 10 random things about me that probably do not know. (Beware: they are trully the first 10 things that popped into my head.)
1) I think that I would be a good spy. I'm small, young, and innocent looking. No one would ever suspect me. (Plus, I have always wanted to escape out of the top of an elevator.)

2) I'm OCD about trash. I cannot eat something and leave the wrapper laying beside me until I get up for another reason. I must immediately throw it away or its all that I can think of. (Monica, anyone?)

3) If I ever have a light-blub in my hand, all I am thinking about is how I want to smash it on a counter.

4) My first post-college job was as a loan processor. A bit of me died inside that year.

5) Celebrity gossip is my guilty pleasure. Gasp!

6) When my brother (who is now 20) was born, I wanted him to be a girl so bad so that we could name him Anna Carrie.

7) I had perfect attendence in middle school (6th-8th grade). There were 8 of us in my school that did the same. A man found out about this and gave us all a new $100 bill.

8) I attribute the above perfect attendence to the fact that I had scarlet fever in first grade. I have rarely been sick since.

9)My husband and I met at a wedding. I didn't give him a second thought at the time because I thought he was way too old for me. We are, in fact, the same age.

10) My mom has always called me the princess and the pea because I am also OCD about sleeping. It has to be dark, quiet, and I must be comfortable. Anything, however small, can keep me up for hours. I've often taken the batteries out of clocks that tick at other people's houses. (Wow, TMI Kelli.) Not to worry, I always replace them and set the time right in the morning.

So, I warned you, it's a random, random list. I'm not going to tag anyone, but I will challenge you to write a list on your blog and post a link in the comments section.

The cat's out of the bag

In January I wrote a post that sort of alluded to my question-mark-of-a-furture, but I am now at liberty to shed more light on the issue. Don't get too excited, it's not a big secret, I just did not want to blog about anything that people I work with do not know. So, here goes.

Last week I resigned my job because we are moving to Quantico, VA in April. As most of you know, Brian is a Marine and this will begin military life for us. He has to go through six months of training in Quantico, followed by two more months of school in Rhode Island. After this, if everything goes as planned, we will have a permanent duty station (which I hope involves the Pacific Ocean) by the beginning of 2009. Which also means that we get to move THREE times this year. And not from apartment to house to another apartment like in college. What I'm talking about is three moves that involve at least three different states. In one year. With two cats and a bird.

People ask me all of the time if I am excited about this. My standard line is, "I might as well be." In truth, I am excited, but I am also scared to death. For all intents and purposes, the city that I now live in is the only place I've ever lived. It's where my family lives, where I got married, everything. So leaving is more difficult than going, if you know what I mean. It's not the new that scares me, it's leaving the old, not knowing what the future holds.

All over it seems like I am being told to have courage, though. My friend Annie's blog, the book that I'm now reading, and lots of other things keep encouraging me to take heart. I am often reminded of a song that I'm sure I've quoted somewhere on this blog before. My favorite part goes, "And you know the plans that you have for me. And you can't plan the end and not plan the means..." (Love some old school Caedmon's Call.)

Please pray for Callie

My friend Callie was in a horrible car accident last night and is in ICU at a hospital in Atlanta. She has a broken hip and blood around her brain. The next two days are a crucial time for her. Please pray for Callie, she is a sweet person and a good friend. Callie and I got to know each other through the youth group that Brian and I worked with last year at our church. She's currently in 10th grade and just got her driver's license last month. She babysits my little brother and sister and is the most amazing baker that I know. Her chewy bars will be famous one day.

So, again, I beg that you pray for her for healing. Pray that the Lord would also comfort her family during this time.

"Dear Refuge of my weary soul, on Thee when sorrows rise,
On Thee when waves of trouble roll, my fainting hope relies,
To Thee I tell each rising grief, for Thou Alone canst heal,
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief for every pain I feel..."

Confessions of the selfish

Today, like yesterday, there is nothing going on here except for "escalator maintenance." That means that two guys are in little hatches at the top and bottom of the escalator directly across the lobby from my desk banging away on things. The amusing part of the situation is that they occasionally yell at one another. I don't think that they're friends outside of work. Judging by the events of the last couple of days, they're not really even friends at work. But, oh well.



In other news, I feel like I should come clean with you guys. I was in a terrible mood yesterday when I got off work because I was just brooding. Do you ever do that? Find yourself in the stinky pot and just sit there, marinating in your troubles? Well, if you don't, take it from me, it's terrible, but it's like quicksand because you cannot get out easily once trapped. Most of the time this happens in my mind and I let every little event pile up on top of the last until I feel that I am quite possibly the most horribly dejected human being that has ever borne the misfortune of walking this earth. Vague enough for you? Yesterday my nocuous mulling was the result of jealousy. I sometimes nauseate myself with this. Without going into details, I was feeling insanely overrun by several people in my life who really could have no idea what they were doing to me. What's worse is that I'm sure they in no way were trying to do anything to me whatsoever. So I brooded and I was short with Brian when he came home from work, knowing all the time that the longer I held it in, the more it was going to stink when it came out.



I surprised myself, though, and decided to tell Brian every stupid thing that I was upset over, instead of taking anything out on him. (None of the ill will was bent on him, I might mention.) The thing I was so worried about was that he would look down on me for having such childish jealousy, but he did not. He affirmed me and spoke truth to me and although I am not cured, I felt a million times better after just admitting how I felt. The more I live, the more I believe that honesty is always the best policy, period. And I'm so glad that I have already been made right with God through the work of Christ, because I can't do it on my own.

With so much deception, it's hard not to wander away

Sometime in 2003 (I don't remember the month), I read an article in National Geographic Magazine that literally changed my life. It was about 21st Century Slaves. Yes, slaves. Like the kind that you thought were done with after the Civil War, when in all actuality, there are more people in the world today who live in slavery or slavery-like conditions than in the 1700 and 1800s. Astounded? That's okay, I certainly was the first time I heard this. But maybe astounded is not so much the word as dumbfounded or indignant. How on earth can we think that we live in any kind of modern world or society when PEOPLE are still bought and sold like pencils, cars, or any other inanimate commodity? And why was I 21 years old the first time I heard about it? Why are we not fighting wars to erradicate slavery? Why is it not the top news story everyday everywhere in the world?

I couldn't get this reality out of my head, so when I went to grad school in 2005, I decided to dedicate what I could of my studies to this subject. For those who may not know, I got my master's degree in Public Health. Instead of a writing a thesis to culminate my degree, I did a semester long internship at a domestic violence shelter and a rape crisis center in northeast Georgia. I also wrote a capstone paper about the myriad of health effects on victims of sex trafficking. This is because most of the modern day slaves are women and children who are trafficked and held for the purpose of sexual exploitation. In layman's terms this equals forced prostitution. Long story short, these people are most of the time destitute, they are tricked into moving to a different country for work, and then forced into sexual exploitation and held against their wills. Often they are broken and brainwashed so that they are bitter and untrusting of those who want to help. Even if released from this hellish "profession," they are scorned by their family and friends because of what they haved been forced to do and left with serious health conditions that inhibit their ability to carry daily living, much less their ability to work.

It would be easy to feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem and paralyzed by hopelessness. But we are not left without hope. There are many organizations that work with these victims, such as Free the Slaves, and International Justice Mission. My personal goal is to raise as much awareness as possible about this issue and try to educate people because knowledge is half the battle. Go to the websites above and learn more, or ask me because there is still a lot I haven't written here because of space.

"He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8

One, but we're not the same

It's hard to write this post today because I'm tired and feeling cynical. But it's been a while and I have a song in my head (as usual) and it relates to today. There is a Bridal show at the "office" today and it has me reflecting on marriage and our society. It seems to me that getting married these days has more to do with "the big day" than with the fact that two people are becoming one. You have to pay to get into this particular show so that people can sell you things like photography, cakes, and ribbons.

When you are planning to get married, people not only want to sell you things, they love to give advice. Some bad, and some good, like, "Don't argue after 9 PM." (Not that we abide by this one, but it sure makes a lot of sense now...moving on.) The one thing that no one told us is that you are still the same exact people at the reception that you were before you ever walked down the aisle. Same sins, same insecurities, same habits. You see, wedding vendors bank on selling "the big day," the fairytale wedding and so forth, with total disregard to the fact that there's a whole lifetime of marriage to follow. No matter how beautifully arranged the flowers are and how many settings of fine china you get, hard times are going to come and there needs to be more to stand on than a diamond you had to take out a loan to get. I'm not saying that everyone is like this, I have just seen a lot of it lately and it's frightening. My husband and I loved each other as much as possible on July 10, 2004, but we had no idea what was in store and we have had it pretty easy. My mom has always said that love is a choice. One day you wake up and the warm fuzzies are gone and you have to remind yourself to choose to love the person beside you, and, what is more, I have to pray to God that He will give me a heart for my husband day in and day out. It is only by His grace we survive, it is only by His grace that we are happy. It is only by His grace that we stand.

I have been given the privilege of walking beside my husband through life. We are truly opposites in a lot of ways, but we balance each other out. He's logical, I'm a romantic. He's rational, I'm, well, the opposite of that. I love the U2 song from which this post borrows it's title. It says, "We're one but we're not the same, we get to carry each other, carry each other..." I think that's what marriage is about. Not stuff.

I'm Nowhere and You're Everything

"It's way past two and you want me there, but he needs me here so you have to share. I'm cryin' 'cause I'm in love with you, you're cryin' because you have no clue." Don't read too much into this people. These are lines from a Chris Thile song that is stuck in my head a lot. It's a beautiful song that reminds me of the general situation in Jane Austen novels, but I digress. This is not even what I want to write about today, I just have the song in my head and couldn't think of a title to the post.

Moving on. There is a small conference in the building where I work today. They're a nice conference. Sometimes people that are here for conferences are demanding, condescending, creepy, or a combo of all three, but these are just good folks here today. However, no matter what kinds of people they are, weird things ALWAYS happen to me when there are big groups here by nature of the fact that I am the "catch-all" in the building. So when the client walks in this morning with a box of materials that MUST go to the speaker in a certain room during his session, guess who got to interrupt? That's right. The door is at the back of the room so I walk in while he's speaking and as quiet as I try to be, the door makes a lot of noise. All eyes are immediately turned from the speaker, who's still speaking I might add, and onto moi. He keeps speaking and pretends like he doesn't see me for what seemed like a day. Meanwhile eyes go back and forth from speaker to awkward girl in the back holding a huge box. Finally, he motions for me to come forward, and keeps speaking while I carry the box down the center aisle, place it on the back table, and basically run out. Why couldn't that have waited until the break? Oh well, keeps me humble. The older I get the more I fear that I may never quite lose the total awkwardness that has plagued me since adolescence.

In other news, the first real event that I've planned is today!

4,015 Days of Running

Today is a momentous day for me. It's my 11 year running anniversary. Why do I know this? Answer: I have no idea, but like so many random facts that crowd the corners of my brain, I do. You see, I was a very unathletic kid. I played one season of tee-ball before my parents realized that I had much more interest in the ants and flowers in the outfield than I did in playing the game. But for some reason, on January 14, 1997, this unathletic kid decided she had had enough of the sedentary lifestyle, threw away the potato chips, turned off Oprah and decided to join my dad on his almost-daily run. At the time we lived in a neighborhood with a loop that was .8 of a mile. I couldn't run even halfway around. I used to cry and beg my mom to walk with me. But for some reason, I caught the bug and ran almost every day, finally making it a half mile, one mile, two miles. That fall I joined the cross country team at the high school. I was the worst on the team for the first few races, but happy all the while to pull up the rear. Then, one day I just cut four minutes off my 5K time in one race and earned a spot on the Varsity team.

Things kept up like this, little by little I improved. My senior year of high school I was captain of the cross country team. I went to a private school my first two years of college on a cross country scholarship. I am living proof that anything is possible if you work hard enough. The title of this blog is misleading because I haven't actually run every day for the last 11 years. Just almost everyday. My mom used to say, "If Kelli can run, anybody can." My dad said that if you had told him when I was starting high school that I would go to college on a cross country scholarship he would have laughed in your face. And they're not being mean with these comments, it's just the truth.

Now, I love running. People always say things to me like, "I can't believe that you can run that far." But the truth is, I didn't start yesterday. I started eleven years ago and I have worked for every bit of it. I write all of this to encourage you that you can do it. You can start the thing today and it may take YEARS, but you'll never know unless you try.

Into the Wild

We don't go to movies all that often anymore, so when we do, we want them to be worth the almost $10 per person admission fee. In the last couple of weeks, we have been to an uncharacteristically-for-the-Magees large amount of movies. There just seemed to be a bunch that we want to see. I Am Legend was terrible, unless you like zombie films with little plot in which your favorite character is killed. The new National Treasure was great as far the fun, unlikely, historical conspiracy theory movies go. Brian's boss didn't like it because he's a history buff and he called it completely implausible, but I am fortunately not plagued with that much brain-power and I liked it. Charlie Wilson's War is an excellent movie and provides an interesting view of the history of how the Cold War ended and why we're in the mess internationally that we're in now. Plus, Phillip Seymour Hoffman should win an Oscar for his role in the film. He's absolutely brilliant, but that's pretty much par for the course for him. (Side note: see the movie Capote and this movie and think about the range he has.)

But those movies aren't what this post is about. It's about the movie we saw last Friday at the wonderful new independent theatre in our little town called Cine. Into the Wild. It's based on a book by the same title written by Jon Krakauer. It is the true story of Christopher McCandless, who graduated from Emory in 1991, burned his identification and gave all of his money away before trekking across the Western US, mostly by foot, for two years. I remember loving the book when I read it and unlike some books that are made into movie, this one works. Sean Penn directed it and I feel he captured the story on film beautifully. I still can't put a finger on quite why it touches me so deeply. I wept for a while at the end of both book and movie. The story is just so inspiring and tragic at the same time. Maybe it's the part of me that would do the same thing if my family situation was like his was. Krakauer and Penn both relate the freedom that Chris felt when he was penniless and wandering. It's beautiful; I can't quite put it into any other words.

New year, new jobs

Not so much for me, but for many people around me today. It's career fair day at my place of employment today, which means the usual flood of students trying hard not to look awkward in the black suits that they've either 1)never worn before, or 2)haven't worn in a year or so. It also means that I'll be giving out pens, paper clips, and making copies of their resumes. Helpful hint in case you ever go to a career fair: Bring copies of your resume, you're there looking for a job. Those with the foresight to bring actual copies of their resumes are all clutching them tightly, enclosed for now in the black or burgundy portofolio that they carry. Their faces are part hopeful, part anxious as they nervously laugh with their friends while waiting for the exhibit hall to open. I overhear many plans today about, "working for a year or so before med school."

The other people here today are the exhibitors, those with jobs to dispense to the eager, black-sutied masses. In my experience with all kinds of exhibitors for career fairs and trade shows alike, there are two types. The first is made of sharp-suited men and women who have trendy haircuts and expensive looking watches. These are salespeople who are at home in the multi-shaded suits and sometimes trendy dresses that they stylishly sport with their company nametags and designer sunglasses. The second type is equally smart-watched, coifed, and sunglassed, but they wear any number of company-embroidered shirt, whether it be a golf shirt, button-up, or my personal favorite, the sweater vest. And optional accessories for every exhibitor are the bluetooth earphone thing and the rolling duffel/briefcase/bookbag.

The uncharacteristic thing about today's career fair is the fact that a well-known local fast-food restaurant has set up a truck outside to sell lunch to the future-employed. So, until the fair starts they are trying to balance flimsy paper plates chock full of the greasiest hamburgers, fries, and onion rings on their knees while eating and not getting anything on the new outfit. It's just strange to see all of these dressed up people eating fast food. And what is their breath going to smell like in an hour when they're talking to future employers? Maybe they don't care, maybe they're not actually looking for jobs and are here for class credit. These are just the observations of a person who sees a lot of this kind of thing.

I don't know nothin' except change will come

My husband says that my life is a musical, which is pretty much true. There's always a song playing on the radio in my head and everything reminds me of music I know. All that to say, once again, the title of this post is from one of my favorite Patty Griffin songs. Ten points to anyone who can tell me which. Moving on, this is my review of 2007, beginning 2008 post. I know it's the third day of the year, but I'm not as fast as some of my friends in the blogging world.

So, 2007 was a very interesting year for me. Change was it's name, and I think that when I look back on the whole five years from 2006-2011, it will all be about change. In 2007, most notably, my brother Micah joined our family. Then, Brian graduated from Law School-can I get a what, what!, and I went on a life changing trip to Croatia. I then graduated with my master's and in the same week got the wonderful job that I'm doing now. (Which was also the same week that my man started his new job.) In October, that man officially became a lawyer, which is the answer to so many years of prayer, sweat, and hours reading and typing. Whew! We basically ran full speed ahead for the remainder of 2007. And now for 2008-who knows what. I would have never believed you if you had told me some of the things that would happen this past year on January 3, 2007. So, today I can trully tell you that I have no idea, but my life will not look the same on January 3, 2009 as it does today.

Side note: I didn't think that anyone would notice that we didn't send out Christmas Cards, but someone did. Sorry. For you, the picture in this post is the picture that probably would have been on there. Thanks for noticing!