I'm Nowhere and You're Everything

"It's way past two and you want me there, but he needs me here so you have to share. I'm cryin' 'cause I'm in love with you, you're cryin' because you have no clue." Don't read too much into this people. These are lines from a Chris Thile song that is stuck in my head a lot. It's a beautiful song that reminds me of the general situation in Jane Austen novels, but I digress. This is not even what I want to write about today, I just have the song in my head and couldn't think of a title to the post.

Moving on. There is a small conference in the building where I work today. They're a nice conference. Sometimes people that are here for conferences are demanding, condescending, creepy, or a combo of all three, but these are just good folks here today. However, no matter what kinds of people they are, weird things ALWAYS happen to me when there are big groups here by nature of the fact that I am the "catch-all" in the building. So when the client walks in this morning with a box of materials that MUST go to the speaker in a certain room during his session, guess who got to interrupt? That's right. The door is at the back of the room so I walk in while he's speaking and as quiet as I try to be, the door makes a lot of noise. All eyes are immediately turned from the speaker, who's still speaking I might add, and onto moi. He keeps speaking and pretends like he doesn't see me for what seemed like a day. Meanwhile eyes go back and forth from speaker to awkward girl in the back holding a huge box. Finally, he motions for me to come forward, and keeps speaking while I carry the box down the center aisle, place it on the back table, and basically run out. Why couldn't that have waited until the break? Oh well, keeps me humble. The older I get the more I fear that I may never quite lose the total awkwardness that has plagued me since adolescence.

In other news, the first real event that I've planned is today!

4,015 Days of Running

Today is a momentous day for me. It's my 11 year running anniversary. Why do I know this? Answer: I have no idea, but like so many random facts that crowd the corners of my brain, I do. You see, I was a very unathletic kid. I played one season of tee-ball before my parents realized that I had much more interest in the ants and flowers in the outfield than I did in playing the game. But for some reason, on January 14, 1997, this unathletic kid decided she had had enough of the sedentary lifestyle, threw away the potato chips, turned off Oprah and decided to join my dad on his almost-daily run. At the time we lived in a neighborhood with a loop that was .8 of a mile. I couldn't run even halfway around. I used to cry and beg my mom to walk with me. But for some reason, I caught the bug and ran almost every day, finally making it a half mile, one mile, two miles. That fall I joined the cross country team at the high school. I was the worst on the team for the first few races, but happy all the while to pull up the rear. Then, one day I just cut four minutes off my 5K time in one race and earned a spot on the Varsity team.

Things kept up like this, little by little I improved. My senior year of high school I was captain of the cross country team. I went to a private school my first two years of college on a cross country scholarship. I am living proof that anything is possible if you work hard enough. The title of this blog is misleading because I haven't actually run every day for the last 11 years. Just almost everyday. My mom used to say, "If Kelli can run, anybody can." My dad said that if you had told him when I was starting high school that I would go to college on a cross country scholarship he would have laughed in your face. And they're not being mean with these comments, it's just the truth.

Now, I love running. People always say things to me like, "I can't believe that you can run that far." But the truth is, I didn't start yesterday. I started eleven years ago and I have worked for every bit of it. I write all of this to encourage you that you can do it. You can start the thing today and it may take YEARS, but you'll never know unless you try.

Into the Wild

We don't go to movies all that often anymore, so when we do, we want them to be worth the almost $10 per person admission fee. In the last couple of weeks, we have been to an uncharacteristically-for-the-Magees large amount of movies. There just seemed to be a bunch that we want to see. I Am Legend was terrible, unless you like zombie films with little plot in which your favorite character is killed. The new National Treasure was great as far the fun, unlikely, historical conspiracy theory movies go. Brian's boss didn't like it because he's a history buff and he called it completely implausible, but I am fortunately not plagued with that much brain-power and I liked it. Charlie Wilson's War is an excellent movie and provides an interesting view of the history of how the Cold War ended and why we're in the mess internationally that we're in now. Plus, Phillip Seymour Hoffman should win an Oscar for his role in the film. He's absolutely brilliant, but that's pretty much par for the course for him. (Side note: see the movie Capote and this movie and think about the range he has.)

But those movies aren't what this post is about. It's about the movie we saw last Friday at the wonderful new independent theatre in our little town called Cine. Into the Wild. It's based on a book by the same title written by Jon Krakauer. It is the true story of Christopher McCandless, who graduated from Emory in 1991, burned his identification and gave all of his money away before trekking across the Western US, mostly by foot, for two years. I remember loving the book when I read it and unlike some books that are made into movie, this one works. Sean Penn directed it and I feel he captured the story on film beautifully. I still can't put a finger on quite why it touches me so deeply. I wept for a while at the end of both book and movie. The story is just so inspiring and tragic at the same time. Maybe it's the part of me that would do the same thing if my family situation was like his was. Krakauer and Penn both relate the freedom that Chris felt when he was penniless and wandering. It's beautiful; I can't quite put it into any other words.

New year, new jobs

Not so much for me, but for many people around me today. It's career fair day at my place of employment today, which means the usual flood of students trying hard not to look awkward in the black suits that they've either 1)never worn before, or 2)haven't worn in a year or so. It also means that I'll be giving out pens, paper clips, and making copies of their resumes. Helpful hint in case you ever go to a career fair: Bring copies of your resume, you're there looking for a job. Those with the foresight to bring actual copies of their resumes are all clutching them tightly, enclosed for now in the black or burgundy portofolio that they carry. Their faces are part hopeful, part anxious as they nervously laugh with their friends while waiting for the exhibit hall to open. I overhear many plans today about, "working for a year or so before med school."

The other people here today are the exhibitors, those with jobs to dispense to the eager, black-sutied masses. In my experience with all kinds of exhibitors for career fairs and trade shows alike, there are two types. The first is made of sharp-suited men and women who have trendy haircuts and expensive looking watches. These are salespeople who are at home in the multi-shaded suits and sometimes trendy dresses that they stylishly sport with their company nametags and designer sunglasses. The second type is equally smart-watched, coifed, and sunglassed, but they wear any number of company-embroidered shirt, whether it be a golf shirt, button-up, or my personal favorite, the sweater vest. And optional accessories for every exhibitor are the bluetooth earphone thing and the rolling duffel/briefcase/bookbag.

The uncharacteristic thing about today's career fair is the fact that a well-known local fast-food restaurant has set up a truck outside to sell lunch to the future-employed. So, until the fair starts they are trying to balance flimsy paper plates chock full of the greasiest hamburgers, fries, and onion rings on their knees while eating and not getting anything on the new outfit. It's just strange to see all of these dressed up people eating fast food. And what is their breath going to smell like in an hour when they're talking to future employers? Maybe they don't care, maybe they're not actually looking for jobs and are here for class credit. These are just the observations of a person who sees a lot of this kind of thing.

I don't know nothin' except change will come

My husband says that my life is a musical, which is pretty much true. There's always a song playing on the radio in my head and everything reminds me of music I know. All that to say, once again, the title of this post is from one of my favorite Patty Griffin songs. Ten points to anyone who can tell me which. Moving on, this is my review of 2007, beginning 2008 post. I know it's the third day of the year, but I'm not as fast as some of my friends in the blogging world.

So, 2007 was a very interesting year for me. Change was it's name, and I think that when I look back on the whole five years from 2006-2011, it will all be about change. In 2007, most notably, my brother Micah joined our family. Then, Brian graduated from Law School-can I get a what, what!, and I went on a life changing trip to Croatia. I then graduated with my master's and in the same week got the wonderful job that I'm doing now. (Which was also the same week that my man started his new job.) In October, that man officially became a lawyer, which is the answer to so many years of prayer, sweat, and hours reading and typing. Whew! We basically ran full speed ahead for the remainder of 2007. And now for 2008-who knows what. I would have never believed you if you had told me some of the things that would happen this past year on January 3, 2007. So, today I can trully tell you that I have no idea, but my life will not look the same on January 3, 2009 as it does today.

Side note: I didn't think that anyone would notice that we didn't send out Christmas Cards, but someone did. Sorry. For you, the picture in this post is the picture that probably would have been on there. Thanks for noticing!

Update, Update!

(FYI: Title of this blog should be sung to the tune of Dora the Explorer's "Backpack, backpack" song.)

Thank you all for thinking and praying for my family. Dad got the job in Gainesville (GA), so they will not have to move. WOOHOO! I mean, we'll still be moving next year, but at least we will be able to come home to the place that feels like home. This has been a tremendous faith-building exercise for everyone involved, which is good but hard.

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers.

A Bright Purple Spot in a Very Confused State

You cannot escape it these days, no matter who or where you are. Talk about the impending 2008 presidential election is everywhere, so I have begun to give some thought to the candidate that I may support next year. I think that it's important not only to vote, but to vote according to who you believe is the best person for the job. As such, I am determined to find more out about the candidates in order to make the best decision. The problem with this is that much has changed about me since 2004 and I am back at square one, as they say. Actually, I have never understood much about the political system until now. (All I remember about high school civics is that my teacher made me sing Patsy Cline's Crazy at the opening of every class.) My very patient husband has so far explained to me that I cannot vote in both parties' primaries as I was hoping to because you have to be a registered member of a party in order to do so. "But what if I don't want to be a registered Democrat or Republican?" I cried. To which level-headed Libertarian husband replied, "I guess you won't be voting in the primaries then." Well, too bad. But who do I support next November?

I grew up and still live in Conservative, Republican Georgia, and, as bad as it is, I have pretty much voted as such with no education really about issues, what the candidates believe, and how this resonates with me. I am a terrible member of democracy! Well no more! The Libertarian suggested that I take an online quiz to get an idea of where I fit into the political spectrum. So, one day recently, I found myself with little to do, and not only did I take one quiz, I took five. And, the results of each confirmed what I have thought and the Libertarian feared for a while now. The first labeled me an Anarchist. Wow, really?! I mean, liberal maybe, but anarchist, surely not. I am a big fan of the law. Not only do I think it's necessary for society, but my husband makes a living interpereting it and upholding it. The next four were less harsh. Two labeled me a liberal, one a democrat, and one put me on the political spectrum somewhere between Lenin and the Dalai Lama. Well then. Libertarian joked that he would be taking me to counseling. But I still don't know where I stand politically. Frankly, I don't like labels, and I don't trust internet quizzes. (Thank you grad school.)

My challenge to you is the same that I have for myself. Find out about the candidates and issues they support and don't support and decide for yourself who would be the best person for the job before next November. Vote and be educated about it.

Thus ends my long political blog.

Reasons Why is Going Green

Why? Because it's the in thing to do right now and because it is the author's favorite color.

Want the Millers to stay in Athens?

If you do, then pray that my Dad gets the job he is going to interview for next week! It is with a very reputable poultry company for which he would oversee all of their ______ plants. (I cannot remember what kind of plants mom told me they were on the phone, I was so excited.) If he gets this job, he will have to travel more, but they (Dad, Mom, Grace, Micah, George, & Clifford) will get to stay in the place that we have all grown to know and love as home. This does not mean that the Magees (Brian, Kelli, Rumor, Charlie, & Paco) will get to stay, as the Marines do not have a commuting option, but at least we will have somewhere to come "home" to. If this is all very confusing to you, drop me an email and I'll explain myself better.

But whatever you do, pray that Dad gets this job!

Eternal Perspective on a Friday

On most Fridays I do not have an eternal perspective. Most Fridays are chock full of perspective that stretches maybe as far as Saturday evening. But this week has been replete with a feeling of the curse we live under as wayfarers on Earth. This week began for me with a funeral and started wrapping up last night with another funeral home visitation. It also contained a visit with my mother-in-law who has cancer. My grandfather had his second round of chemo this week. Now, I don't say all of this for you, my two readers, to feel bad for me, what I am beginning to realize at 25 is that this is how this life plays out. The writer of Ecclesiastes was speaking from experience when he wrote that there is a time for everything under the sun. And despite of all the apparent sadness in my life, I am not sad myslef. God is trully giving me eternal perspective today. This is the view where one looks at life and says, "We were not made for this." And I think it's a good place to be sometimes. I know that I was made for more, and I used to think that that would mean I would turn out to be a famous person someday. But it doesn't, it means that I was made for life with the Creator. I am a citizen of Heaven as Phillipians 3:20 talks about. These are the days in which I feel it. And I have no choice but to count this as a blessing.

"Mid toil and tribulation and tumult of her war she waits the consummation of peace forevermore. Til with the vision glorious, her longing eyes are blessed, and the great Church victorious shall be the Church at rest."
-Samuel Stone

Fall Back

I discovered a new thing that I like about adulthood today. In the past when the time changes in the fall (a.k.a. Fall Back), I have lamented greatly because it gets dark so much earlier in the day. However, this morning I discovered to my amazement that time change affects not only the evening, but the morning as well. Since I have been a student for what feels like the past 100 years, I have not noticed (read: I have slept through) the good side of "Fall Back." It's wonderful! It was so light outside that I was early to work this morning. Come five o'clock this evening when I am already using my headlights I may not be feeling the same, but for now, I love it. Usually the worst part is that I cannot run as late in the evening except for in a few select, well-lit places. This I am partially remedying this year as well. My friend Sarah has introduced me to spin classes and I am going to the second one today. We'll see how this goes, but I am thinking the Fall Back might just get a new reputation in my mind.

Hello

This is a word I find myself using a lot. That and "good morning." Sometimes I say "good morning" so many times in a day I still revert back to saying it at 5pm. Thus is the life of an operations coordinator (read-"receptionist"). Occasionally, a guest will stop by my desk just to comment how they would never be able to do my job because I am surrounded by people all the time and I have to be nice to everyone. And, it's true, sometimes, I very much struggle with having to be nice to everyone I see. But the hardest thing for me is that, when in doubt, I am wrong. The customer is right, my co-workers are right, it must be my fault. "Sure, I'll go ahead and get you a refund for parking because you didn't read the sign (that is on the parking meter that you paid) that I made yesterday saying that you didn't have to pay for parking."

Today is one of those days. I don't think I'd be happy doing any job today. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed as they say. Maybe I just need lunch.

Beauty and the Mess

As I sit at my desk on this once-again sweltering fall afternoon, my mind wanders back over the last week. I heard a couple of stories last week that are sad to the point of being almost numbing. The details aren't important; what matters is they left me shaking my head and asking why. It was the first time in a while that I felt like jamming my fist in the air and imploring God to tell me Who He is to do such things to good people, people that I care about. Not that I doubt God, I believe that He is entirely sovreign, it's just that I can't see right now how these events could possibly for good. Read again: I can't see it.

And again, I am reminded to trust that these things are ultimately for the good. I am continually amazed as I speak to and hear about the people in the middle of these situations and their calm amdist the storms. In looking at my future as the wife of a Marine at a time when the international conflicts involving our Armed Forces seems unending, it scares me. I already know people who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom and I know that this number will only grow. What do I do? Do I stay isolated and not give myself as a friend to others in order to protect my emotions?

No. I love movies with happy endings mostly because real life is not like that. Real life is messy and sad, and as John Piper says, suffering only makes our joy more intense. (Note: His podcast is awesome.) We get the beauty and the mess together. I will leave you with a line from one of my favorite songwriters, Sandra McCracken:

"I'd rater have the mystery, and the madness, and the rain, because Hell's the only place we can be free from all love's pain."

Lavingos

No, it's not a dirty word-get your head out of the gutter. It's actually what Grace wants to go to the zoo and see. Lavingos. You know, those tall pink birds that stand on one foot.

Shameless Plug

Here's some advice: If you ever have an event at the Classic Center, request the chocolate cookies with peanut butter in the middle. They'll change your life.

The seaweed is always greener

...in somebody else's lake. Oh the immortal words of Sebastian the crab. I debated for a while what to call this particular post, and it came down to either the winning title (as seen above) or the losing, "I don't know what to do with my life." It seems to me like every time I think I settle on something, I do it for a month and find myself right back where I started - disillusioned , unsettled, and anxious to know what's next. Oftentimes, I think back to the past and wish that I were in some part of it again. And this is where I am right now. I am happy in the day to day, but I really don't see where this is going. And maybe I have to rest in the fact that I may never know. The people and prophets of the Old Testament lived and died for something that they never saw come to fruition. It's amazing to me that they kept faith for more than a day. Because the more I live, the more I think that it doesn't matter what my profession is (or what I do day in and day out), but it matters how I live my life around the people that God puts me around.

I pray that God would grant me grace for feet and faith for eyes so that I can move farther forward, not just farther along.

All we need is love

Five words that rarely come out of my mouth after a radio announcer says, "And here is a song by Nickelback called...," are "Ooohh, I like this song." But that is exactly what you would have heard if you had been in the car with us on the way to Publix last Sunday. I know, I know, it's sad, but hear me out before you judge me. I don't know what the name of the song is, but it's the one that was on the commercial for "Heroes" sometime this last year. The chorus is something like, "If everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died."

It struck me as I heard the song today that the chorus was unintentionally alluding to something that Brian and I have been talking a lot about lately. We've been reading through Romans and it talks a lot about the tension between living by the law and living by faith, but it says that the law is good. So, we were pondering whether we should still live by the whole law when I remembered the verse that I think is in Matthew where Jesus said that the whole law can be summed up in the two commandments, love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself. We discussed how true it is that if we really loved God and everyone there would be no need for all of the other laws. We would naturally fulfill them if we actually all loved each other as ourselves. And I think that whether they are meaning to or not, that is what Nickelback is talking about as well in the "Heroes" commercial song.

Now, I won't get into how because of the fall we are born into sin and we can't fulfill the law so that's why Jesus came, to fulfill it and be the sacrifice in our place in this blog, but maybe we'll get there in another. Romans is fabulous.

Also, as Brian says, "don't hate" about me liking the Nickelback song. I promise it's the only one I don't cringe at.

Oh, Zagreb

So, I feel that I must finish the saga that was my short trip to Croatia. After four wonderful days on the coast, I rode with the rest of the UGA study abroad trip in a big bus for six hours to the capital city of Croatia - Zagreb. It is a charming European city, complete with lots of churches, narrow roads, squares, cafes, and statues. Zagreb does not have a metro system, it is chock full of these bright blue trolley cars that share the roads with the other cars. Since I could never figure out how to get a ticket to ride said trolleys, I opted for the ancient transportation mode of walking. I definitely got my money's worth out of the clearance Kinnucan's Merrells (sp?) that I bought for the trip.

This is where the meat of my trip was to happen. Please ask me in person sometime about my living situation in Zagreb. It's a long story (as my living situations tend to be) and I fear that I would get a little too worked up writing about it here. Nevertheless, my goal in Zagreb was to meet with NGOs that work with victims of human trafficking in Croatia. Not knowing where to start, a wonderful professor from UGA who was there with the study abroad group allowed me to go with him on the first day that we were there to meet a colleague of his at the Philosophy Faculty of the University of Zagreb. She teaches liguistics like Dr. Langston, but he thought that she had some contacts in the women's studies department there. Providentially, her contact was available when I was there and she immeadiately sat down to talk to me about my interests (which, by the way, are the health issues faced by women who are victims of trafficking, as well as the programs that are already in place to serve them). She also introduced me to a secretary on the hall who volunteers at several agencies in Zagreb. Her name is Jasmina (pronounced: Yasmina). Jasmina was wonderful. She dropped what she was doing, called, and set up meetings for me and my friend Jessi on the next day.

So, last Wednesday Jessi and I met with two different ladies who work with trafficking victims in Croatia. They explained to us the cycle of trafficking and what these women face when the cycle is broken. I'll write more about this in another post. They also told us individual stories of women they have worked with and each story is heartbreaking. This is s rhetorical question, but How can we live in what we call a modern society when people are still bought and sold like toothbrushes?

Needless to say, when I finally ran up the escalator at the Atlanta airport and saw Brian's face, I broke down in tears. It was a wonderful trip, but it was a hard trip. All the while I clung to the chorus of an old Rich Mullins song that goes, "If I stand let me stand on the promise that you'll pull me through, and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you. If I sing let me sing for the joy that had borne in me these songs, and if I weep let me weep as a man who is longing for his home."

More Makarska

So, where was I? Dubronik, that's right. Again, Dubrovnik was breathtaking. I just wish that I could have had more time there to explore the city. Oh, another interesting thing about this particular day trip is that we had to drive through a little tip of Bosnia to get to Dubrovnik. On the way home that evening, we stopped at a very nice rest area in Bosnia and I bought some chocolate with the full intentions of brining it home. Alas, I still had a week left, so the Bosnian chocolate did not make it with me - I ate it. At least I can say I've been there, albeit briefly.

The next day we took a trip on an old wooden "sail" boat to two islands off the coast of Makraska. First we stopped on the islad of Hvar in the tiny little town of Jesla. It was so neat to go to all of these little towns. Each one has a little square with cafes and beautiful old churches with bell towers. Next, we went to the island of Brac (pronounced Brach) and spent the afternoon laying out on the beautiful Bol beach. I will mention here that the Adriatic is EXTREMELY salty. So, it is very fun to float around because it takes next to no effort, but when you get out and dry off, you have visible salt deposits all over you.

On the following day, we left Makarska for Zagreb, the capital city of Croatia, which sits landlocked to the northeast of where we were. I will write a post about the escapades there later.

Heaven on Earth

Well, computers were not as easy to come by as I had thought in Croatia, and you have to pay for internet time, so I was not able to post while I was there. Plans always change, don't they? I am now safely home on the other side of the big pond, just up a bit early because my body is still six hours ahead. This is okay, because I am able to do things before church this morning instead of running out the door at the last minute because I didn't get up early enough.

So, Croatia. Well, it was an adventure. In some ways, it was the best trip I've ever taken, but in others, it was the absolute longest nine days of my life. After 3 planes and 30 hours, I found myself last Friday afternoon in the most beautiful place I've ever been - the Adriatic coast. Croatia has lots of coastline, it basically mirrors Italy on the other side of the Adriatic. It also has more than 1300 islands dotting this coastline. A man named Sveto drove me in his car from Split (Croatia's second largest city and home to Diocletian's Palace) to Makarska, where a UGA study abroad group was staying. They had already been in Croatia for almost three weeks, but I know some of them because they are MPH students also, so I had instant friends. We spent the next four days in paradise. I'm serious, before last week, I had no idea that it was even possible for earth to be so beautiful. There were several times when I almost cried because of the beauty. Take the highest mountains you've ever seen (like the ones out west) and put them on the shore of the clearest blue-green water possible. In between there, grow every kind of fruit tree and flower imaginable - that's Makarska.

We took a trip to Dubrovnik, at the southernmost point in Croatia. This area is also known as the Dalmatian coast. Dubrovnik is an old walled city with stone ramparts and steep, rocks on the coast. It looks like something out of a fairy tale. Interesting thing about Dubrovnik, it was once an independent state who's motto is Liberty. It was a very early democracy and is said to be the first country to recognize America's independence from Great Britain.

Okay, now I do have to get ready, so I'll write more later...